(watch out, I'm going to express myself.)
Why can't I shake it? I thought I was trying.
Is it me? Is it the kids? Is it hormones or lack of sleep (for either of us)?
Why do I feel so grumpy?
Why don't the kids listen? Or obey? Or appreciate what I do for them? Or help out?
Why don't they act this way with Dave or the babysitter?
Why do I feel like breaking something/screaming/cussing/leaving?
Can't I demonstrate more self control?
Why do people say their Mom never yelled? I've never met one like that. Is that really true? And if so what's her secret?
Why do I let it get to me? The noise, the complaining, whining, fighting, hurting, messing, disobeying, needing me for everything?
Why do they talk to me like that?
Why do I talk to them like that?
What is it that's really bothering me?
Where did that week go that I thought being a Mom to my kids was the grandest, funnest thing ever? (Well, it is, but these last few days I've had to dig deep to remember that.)
Is it school? Is it the pressures and expectations at school? [Is it having to put your head down on your desk for 30 minutes instead of getting to have your only recess of the day? (side note: Now I do not agree with that punishment. Children NEED recess. That's probably why the class was acting up anyhow. Why the he-double-hockey-sticks are schools making young children spend all day in class and then taking away their one and only recess time? They don't even get time to mingle and play during lunch. They have to sit at their tables and never get up or they get in trouble. I am seriously thinking home school. Seriously.)] My kids seem to be happier, at peace with themselves and the family when they don't go to school.
Home school my answer? Haha, then I'll probably have even more I-must-be-the-worst-mom-ever days.
Ugh! What am I doing wrong and how do I change it? Or maybe I know what I'm doing wrong but just need the patience and pure love and will power to do it. Where can I find that and quick??!!
*Please don't respond by telling me I'm a good mom, thank you.*
Why can't I shake it? I thought I was trying.
Is it me? Is it the kids? Is it hormones or lack of sleep (for either of us)?
Why do I feel so grumpy?
Why don't the kids listen? Or obey? Or appreciate what I do for them? Or help out?
Why don't they act this way with Dave or the babysitter?
Why do I feel like breaking something/screaming/cussing/leaving?
Can't I demonstrate more self control?
Why do people say their Mom never yelled? I've never met one like that. Is that really true? And if so what's her secret?
Why do I let it get to me? The noise, the complaining, whining, fighting, hurting, messing, disobeying, needing me for everything?
Why do they talk to me like that?
Why do I talk to them like that?
What is it that's really bothering me?
Where did that week go that I thought being a Mom to my kids was the grandest, funnest thing ever? (Well, it is, but these last few days I've had to dig deep to remember that.)
Is it school? Is it the pressures and expectations at school? [Is it having to put your head down on your desk for 30 minutes instead of getting to have your only recess of the day? (side note: Now I do not agree with that punishment. Children NEED recess. That's probably why the class was acting up anyhow. Why the he-double-hockey-sticks are schools making young children spend all day in class and then taking away their one and only recess time? They don't even get time to mingle and play during lunch. They have to sit at their tables and never get up or they get in trouble. I am seriously thinking home school. Seriously.)] My kids seem to be happier, at peace with themselves and the family when they don't go to school.
Home school my answer? Haha, then I'll probably have even more I-must-be-the-worst-mom-ever days.
Ugh! What am I doing wrong and how do I change it? Or maybe I know what I'm doing wrong but just need the patience and pure love and will power to do it. Where can I find that and quick??!!
*Please don't respond by telling me I'm a good mom, thank you.*
13 comments:
We ALL have days like that -- I promise! I think having these worries shows that you're a good mom because you care and want to be better. Just know that the frustrations will pass . . . I tend to go through these phases all the time. :)
Yeah, I can totally relate. I say ditto and add "why does my husband think it's a good idea to get TWO puppies at one time when he is never here". When we were little and having days like that my mom would make us run laps in the backyard. I think it wore us out and gave her a break for a few minutes. I think if you came to alabama for a visit it might be better! :)
Sometimes I just have to put myself on timeout! I can't believe how much that post relates to me. I know how you are feeling. Is there really a mom in the world that never yelled? I would like to meet her!
Okay...I wont tell you how good of a mom you are - but I will tell you it sounds like you need a Mommy Day!
You know what's funny is your name came up at Loralee's shower the other night, Maggie was talking about how patient you were with your kids (some visiting teaching appointment where you apologized for yelling and she said you didn't even raise your voice). Um yah, all the thoughts you posted go through all mom's heads. I agree with you on the recess thing, they shouldn't take away their only active outlet ALL day! I can't imagine Isaac ever doing anything that would cause him to lose recess.
I am hoping Dave will be able to be home more when you move to CO. I KNOW it made a huge difference having Matt home more once we moved here. It's too hard to do it all all the time by yourself!!!
Targhee and I are taking a Parenting with Love and Logic class. We are loving it. If nothing else we are both using the same discipline methods and so we are totally on the same page for once.
Oh, April. I here ya. I really do. In fact I feel like I say the same prayer every night. PLEASE help me be a better mom and to not yell at them and to just have more patience and to play with them more. I think it must be a mom thing. We love our kids and we want the best for them, so that makes us extra hard on ourselves. I love the Love and Logic book and Brent and I took the class too. I really like its philosophy. So... are you coming to CO?
April- you're a terrible Mom.
Please, sister, PLEASE.
I know you're not under any kind of impression that actually being human and frustrated equates to being a flawed human and/or mother.
Kids do what they want-- while you can guide them, they're individuals with hopes, determined plans of action and expectations. I'm not sure about the details you're referring to in this post,
but you can't run on sunshine and butterflies forever. 'Tis life-- and it's the craptastic times that refuel us and reorient us to the good.
Your boys are boys. You're human and with them ALL DAY. Babysitters and Dave spend a few hours, thus, they line up behind those expectations-- not the familiarity of Mom. Does that make sense? It should, because it's SCIENCE. Or, at least, should be.
I think the 6th line from the bottom is the most appropriate question to ask. When you nail that down, it'll be sweet serenity. Nothing may change with the boys, but you'll know where you're at. Just don't overthink it. You like a certain amount of control, schedule and purpose without it i think you may run into some frustration? I don't know if that's the case here, but it might be something to think about.
Either way, you're not a terrible Mom. You're a great Mom. But you're dealing with children-- and in that, no one will ever be perfect- nor is anyone expected to be.
Then again, what do I know. I'm jut your distant, stinky brother.
Love you, MiCasa.
PS- Hopefully, this wasn't one of those lady "let-me-vent-but-don't-offer-advice-just-understanding" moments.
Thanks Dan for all your male insights. :)
April, thanks for the post. I think sometimes it is easy to look at people's blogs of perfection and doubt who you are and what you are doing, so having a little view of your moment's frustration is inspiring to all of us who are trying to be just like you! :)
Um you have just summed up my MONTH, but mostly my day yesterday, practically WORD FOR WORD. I completely broke down. The sad thing is I know exactly what I'm doing wrong. I recognize it as it's happening, I just feel powerless to stop it. I have come to the conclusion that I am a warm-weather mother. It seems like I'm a lot nicer in the summer (I still have "those days" when it's warm) But I feel so mean in the winter.
I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels like this, so thank you for sharing. I agree with your closing statement about not wanting "good mom" comments. That happens to me everytime I try to vent, and it is not what i want to hear.
OK, so I'm just going to say, "You're human after all!" Everytime I read your blog I feel like I should be doing more with my kids, better documentation, etc. I am always thoroughly impressed (still am). But now I'm also very relieved to know that you have days just like the rest of us! By the way, I dreamed of you and your family last night and all the great stuff you do. Woke up feeling like I need and want to be more like YOU!
Oh April! There is so much I could say but I won't. I will only say I can't look at your blog too much or I get depressed because you are always doing something great and wonderful with your boys. While Joshua on the other hand is so good at playing with himself and never wants to leave the house (which is my fault). I'm turning him into something not good...I joined the not so good mom when I became a mom. I won't say you are a good mom because you don't want to hear it but I would love to be a mom just like you!
Love you!
As a mom who had MANY I must be the worst mom ever days, I can say unequivacally that when we think that, we aren't. The really bad moms aren't thinking that (or anything related to their children at all for that matter). So get that out of your head right now! haha
Anyway, now I'm a grandma and am finding myself back in the child rearing business (probably because I did make mistakes the first time around that lead to having irresponsible children), and find myself asking the same questions all over again. Except this time, I know, this too shall pass, and all too soon. Before we are ready for those days to be over, they're gone forever. I did learn to cherish the good moments. There are many of them although they are often well hidden in something as laughable as poop smeared all over the book shelves (not funny at the time, believe me). Try to enjoy these years; they'll be over before you know it, and there will be all kinds of different crisises. (sp?)
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